Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
