Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
