i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
