so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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