a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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