I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
