Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
