I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
