this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Two words: nipple clamps
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