The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
