bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
