i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
