babies were throwing up all over the place
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
