I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
