I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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