Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
