im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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