Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
