If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
im on a boat
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