so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
