I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
