Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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