I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
