Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
