Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
