first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
