the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
