You made me cry and you don't even care
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
