I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drake has all the answers
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
