Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
