it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my liver is dry heaving
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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