pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
