I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
