he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
