I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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