come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
