i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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