hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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