I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
