Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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