I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
