So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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