omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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