I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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