i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We are all done wearing pants today
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
