I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
