At least make sure they are 18
Why
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
