I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
