I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
