I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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