I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i think im in europe. pls send help
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
