your room smells of hookers.
And success
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
