i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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