i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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