Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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