There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
