So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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