my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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