We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she woke up with a sticky ear
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
