Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
