CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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